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September 28, 2010 / Tye Cobb

Tuesday Morning Quarterback by Brian Kallio


Fantasy Stud: Mike Vick – Shut up PETA, no one cares about you.

Fantasy Dud: Steve Smith (Carolina) – In case you weren’t aware Steve, your team had a game Sunday against Cincinnati.  Nice job hauling in 22 yards.  I had more receiving yards from my couch.

Fantasy Douche: I’d have to give this award to Greg Jennings.  It’s a little bias, but c’mon man, 18 yards against Chicago?  50 yards receiving combined the last 2 weeks?  I didn’t draft you in the 3rd round for those numbers.

Special Shout Out Douche: Darrelle Revis.  Thank you for taking week 3 off.  You couldn’t wait until I wasn’t playing against Brandon Marshall?  Douche.  And then there’s Garrett Hartley.  I don’t own you in fantasy, but I’m guessing whoever does, hates you.  That goes for you too Sebastian Janikowski.

Shout Outs: The Pittsburgh Steelers defense.  You’re leading a team with a 4th string quarterback to a 3-0 record.  Congrats.

Kiss The Baby: Maurice Jones-Drew and San Francisco.  Neither of you have shown up as of week 3.  Might as well buy some chapstick and take the rest of the year off.

Bermuda’s Fantasy Triangle (player, who in the fantasy world, has disappeared): Randy Moss.  Where art thou?  Granted you have some TDs, but other than that you seem to be stuck on your own island.  Better call Gilligan.

Fantasy Crush: Phillip Rivers.  455 yards passing and 2 TDs.  ‘Nuff said.

Lightning Bolt of the Week (Shock of the Week sounded too obvious and unoriginal): St. Louis defeating Washington.  How do you rock Dallas and take Houston to overtime only to get blown out by St. Louis?

C’mon Man: San Diego.  Your quarterback dominated the opposing teams secondary.  Straight picked them apart.  What does your defense and special teams do?  You allow 2 kickoffs for touchdowns.  Then lose 27-20.  C’mon man.

He’s Back!!!  He’s still flying high just as a different avian.  He traded in his falcon wings for eagle wings.  He is… Mike Vick.  Most people thought that after a lengthy prison sentence Mike Vick’s only option in an NFL offense would be as an option quarterback or the center piece to a wildcat package.  Well, looks like you’re all wrong.  He is defying popular belief by getting the job done as a “pocket” quarterback.  Throwing the ball all over the yard and scoring touchdowns like he was playing Madden 2000 on retard mode.  His stat line for week 3… 291 passing yards with 3 passing TDs and 30 rushing yards with 1 rushing TD.  But, that was just the beginning of week 3.  The Vikings and Cowboys got off the schnide, both in dominating fashion, using defense and their running game.  The Chiefs are still undefeated.  Yeah, I said undefeated.  These aren’t your grandfathers Chiefs anymore.  And then there are the Bears. No, not the ’85 Bears, this year’s Bears.  Also, undefeated.  The common denominator?  Defense.  Then there’s the rest of the league.  They watched wide outs make defenses look like practice squads.  I hadn’t seen so many football players run around as if their pads were too heavy since I watched pop-warner growing up.  Anyone heard of Austin Collie?  I had, but not to the degree where I’d expect 170 receiving and 2 TDs.  Anquan Boldin proved the Browns still can’t cover anyone.  If I were the secondary coach for Cleveland, I’d be expecting a package of Pepto in the mail from Mr. Boldin.  Anyone who has to watch game film of that debacle this past Sunday is guaranteed to get sick to their stomach.  That brings me to Brandon Marshall.  Mr. Marshall was a previous fantasy player of mine last year.  He brought me great numbers week in and week out.  But this year I didn’t have the privilege of drafting him.  Unfortunately, I did have the privilege of watching him once again show that Antonio Cromartie is no match, while at the same time watching him rack points up for my opponent.  I used many words that even Kenny Powers wouldn’t consent to.  A couple honorable mentions for week 3 at the wide out position are DeSean Jackson, Brandon Lloyd, Lance Moore, Roy Williams, and Mike Wallace. Superb job catching the rock boys.


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